Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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