Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
