the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
