I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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