We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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