508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
