apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
