no, he came in my armpit
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
