yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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