Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
