Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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