My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
