clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
