It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
