Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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