you guys were way drunker than both of me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
