I feel great
I just peed on a car
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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