shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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