I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
