dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
