the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
