i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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