a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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