The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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