There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
