so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize