Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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