I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
