i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
