I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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