the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
