just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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