I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
