He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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