Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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