Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
