I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
