I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
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I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize