she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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