Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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