Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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