I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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