I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
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Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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