I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
