If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
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you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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