FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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