Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I came so hard my ears popped.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
