I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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