when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
