That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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