evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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