my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
