I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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