do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
