Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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