I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
so much tequila, so little girl.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
