There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
