Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
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Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
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Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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