Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need a beard to bite.
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