So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
