He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
