If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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