i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
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Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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