He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
