I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
