Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
